Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
