i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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