I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
