just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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