you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
