Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
