the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
