just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
