being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I need moral support for this bender
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
