I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
