My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
