Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
People in love make me want to vomit
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
