I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
