I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize