So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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