You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
