I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
