I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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