I just threw up on my dentist
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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