Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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