dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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