with your own penis?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize