it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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