it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
