he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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