All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
