No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
