Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize