Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
