My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
