you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
