hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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