Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
