This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
