So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
