I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
porn star boner night. come get it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
