ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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