She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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