do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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