please come you make the beer taste better
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
