My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
