I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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