on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
