Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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