Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I think people are normalizing furries
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
