apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
