sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
