I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
This baby is an asshole
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
