so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Dignity is for republicans.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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