If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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