You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize