I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
sex in a hospital.. check
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
