Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
