i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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