Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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