if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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