Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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