dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
