I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
