she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
