The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
