You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
