this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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